I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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