Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
