craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
