Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
