it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
