Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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