Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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