What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Two words: blizzard sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize