I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He better not be in your backpack
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
