I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
