I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
