youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize