I just cut my nipple shaving
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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