new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
