Me. At least after what I've been through.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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