Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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