i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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