Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
