apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
