his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
