That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
