Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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