i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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