i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How drunk are you?
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