Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
