Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
