Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
