it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
