I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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