he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
