FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
