the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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