I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
