WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
