plz talk dirty to me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
