My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I understand Curling. That high.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize