did you get engaged???
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize