In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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