I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
