I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
