I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize