I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize