I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
