So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
