Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
