Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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