Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
