are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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