you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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