SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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