My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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