I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
