So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
