im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
