lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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