I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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