im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
