capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
