Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
