So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he thought i was a dude.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
