I smell stomach acid.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
