I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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